(With sincerest apologies to my attorney/judge son-in-law)

Bailiff: Oyez! Oyez! This court is now in session. The honorable Hubie D. Judge presiding. Please be seated.

Ophelia Payne (defendant's attorney): Dr. Jones, you may not be aware, but not only do I represent you in this case, I also represent the hospital, the ER staff, the X-ray department, the hospital kitchen staff, two people who retired from the kitchen staff fourteen years ago, your Sunday School class, and the Boy Scouts of America. You were a Boy Scout, weren't you?

Dr. Jones (defendant): Yes, I was. We got enough chairs?

I.C. Green (plaintiff's attorney): Objection!

D. Judge: Sustained.

O. Payne: Shucks. Anyway, the plaintiff here, C.M. Hobble, claims that when you examined him a year ago for a sprained ankle, you failed to get an x-ray, and that he has endured pain and suffering ever since. Now, in your previous testimony, you have stated that Mr. Hobble had no swelling and no significant tenderness, and that you followed established guidelines as to the appropriateness for ordering an x-ray. Is that correct?

Dr. Jones: That's correct.

C. Green: Objection! Hearsay and common sense!

D. Judge: Sustained.

O. Payne: Shucks. Anyway, did you deviate in any way from the standard of care?

Dr. Jones: No sir, I did not.

C. Green: Objection! Don't matter.

D. Judge: Sustained.

O. Payne: Shucks. Nothing further.

C. Green: Dr. Jones, just to be sure we don't have any bias here, have you ever treated any member of the jury in the emergency room?

Dr. Jones: Well...yes. Juror #3, Miss...

C. Green: Excuse me...Have you treated them for anything that can be mentioned in front of children?

Dr. Jones: Well...

O. Payne: Objection your honor! Let him answer the question!

D. Judge: Over-ruled. Maybe later, in my quarters. I think I know # 3...

C. Green: Anyway, let's move along. My client here, C. M. Hobble, did ask you to get an x-ray when you treated him, didn't he?

Dr. Jones: Yes, but I explained that they were not indicated, and that the risk of radiation exposure out-weighed any possible benefit, and I clearly explained the guidelines...

O. Payne: Objection! Too much common sense!

D. Judge: Ophelia, that's your boy on the stand!

O. Payne: Oops! Sorry judge.

Juror # 3: I object your honor! About my ER visit and all.

D. Judge: Sustained. You and I will talk about that later.

Bailiff: Shucks.

C. Green: Anyway, you did refuse to get those x-rays, in spite of Mr. Hobble's insistence. It's been a year now, and he still has pain in that ankle, and he can barely get around. Now Dr. Jones, you've heard the testimony of our expert witness, Dr. I. Foresail. He has stated for the record that you really messed up, and that you should have gotten x-rays on this poor man. And as a result of that, he may never be able to have children.

Dr. Jones: But he's a proctologist from Aruba!

C. Green: Don't matter.

Dr. Jones: But...

Bailiff: Objection! I seen C. M. playing basketball every weekend at the Y.

D. Judge: Over-ruled. But interesting.

C. Green: Anyway, look at this poor man. He can barely walk. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, don't be confused by the facts here. Mr. Hobble needs some relief, something with a lot of zeros behind it. We're counting on you to do the right thing. That's all I have, your honor.

Juror # 7: Objection! Judge, do you remember me?

D. Judge: Objection mam! Oops, I mean over-ruled.

Bailiff: Shucks.

O. Payne: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, Dr. Jones here has clearly followed the established guidelines for an injured ankle and he used his best judgment when he treated Mr. Hobble. He only did what any other ER physician would have done and didn't deviate from any standard of care.

C. Green: Objection! Way too much common sense.

D. Judge: Sustained.

O. Payne: Shucks

35 minutes later.

D. Judge: Ms. Jury Foreman, have you reached a verdict?

Juror # 7: We have, your honor. We find...